The Passion in The Ashes

Farewell

2006-05-01T15:38:00.000-07:00

Ah, school draws near to an end. I still don't know if I will graduate but one can only hope. There are only a few weeks left and I can't wait to be out. Things on my mind recently have been: Prom, Graduating/moving out next year, reading/writing. Prom is not this coming weekend but the weekend after. I should be getting a job soon so having some cash will be nice and I'll hopefully be able to afford rent next year. I got home today and checked my e-mail at writing.com and was very excited to find that I was given an anonymous gift of an upgraded membership which would have cost me about 5 dollars a month otherwise. The upgraded membership has some perks and I thought it was pretty cool of someone to actually pay for it for me. Anyways, I would like to let my faithful few readers know that this is the end for this blog. It was a good experience and provided a useful outlet at many times throughout the school year but now I find I grow weary of it. "The Passion in the Ashes" is a feeling that I was dying to get rid of. I do not now feel comfortable expressing it and in fact have need to do so less and less. It is not a good feeling and I am glad it is subsiding. This summer should be a good one, I look forward to reading and writing ALOT and enjoying a summer of fellowship. If anyone ever wants to do anything don't hesitate to call me. Until we meet again.

"I need a holiday. A very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return. In fact I mean not to." -Bilbo Baggins

Mercy

2006-04-24T21:04:00.000-07:00

Taking a moment to encourage anyone who stops by to check out Mike's website. The post today was interesting both because I have participated in the conversation with him about it before and because it is simply a good topic. Enjoy here.

TAKS?? More Like Pasta.

2006-04-22T21:05:00.000-07:00

So, much to the resentment of many a junior and many a senior I did not have to take TAKS tests this week. And yes, my sleep schedule is now ruined. But really with only a few weeks left in school I'm not thinking its gonna make much of a difference. Yesterday I went to java joy to meet for our Lord of the Rings/Bible study thing after school as is the Friday custom. We ended up talking till about 8:20 Friday night. Afterwards I was treated to pasta and a movie by none other than Lacey and Lacey accompanied by Jordan. The weekend is going smoothly, Jordan's birthday party was fun and I'm a little exhausted from sprinting around in the other team's base during capture the flag. I was supposed to take a final up at school this morning for a correspondence course but....they didn't have my test. I'm not sure what I should think of that, it isn't really a big deal unless they screw me out of graduating or something so I just went back home and to sleep. Speaking of which, sleep sounds dandy. Good night fair women and men, I bid you adieu.

"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."- J.R.R. Tolkien

Feelin Good

2006-04-16T19:29:00.000-07:00

Weekend Update! This weekend was tight, on the downside(and the upside outways the downside I think) I got a letter from A&M saying I'm on the waitlist. On the upside I'm going to prom with Lacey Wells! Plus, it was a three day weekend....so yeah, I'm feelin good. This week is TAKS testing so I get to sleep in a bunch and Wednesday is senior wellness day. Pretty much it's a blow off week. Score. Final note, if you didn't know "Freedom Incorporated" is now where I will post things I write(essays, stories, etc.). There is a link on this page. Peace, I'm out like a deaf kid in musical chairs.

"Happiness comes of the capacity to feel deeply, to enjoy simply, to think freely, to risk life, to be needed." - Storm Jameson

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue...

2006-04-15T12:47:00.000-07:00

A favor for a friend:

-Lacey: Look in your mom's bedroom.-

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

- William Shakespeare

Sigh

2006-04-10T13:58:00.000-07:00

Today was really stressful...I mean for most people it probably wouldn't seem like it but for me it seemed stressful. I woke up really early to go to Bible study at Java Joy and made a terrible attempt to make a point about some stuff we had already covered and felt like I contributed nothing but confusion and useless banter to what Josh wanted to talk about. I proceeded to go to school and try and cram in a take home test and a biology II lab that was due seventh period. I got the lab from Brian which made it easier but I still barely had time to finish it because I had a test 5th and 6th and I see Brian in 4th period. So yeah, between school and being exhausted today was pretty wearing and I was in a worse mood than usual. On a more spiritual note I've been thinking a good bit about these lyrics from a song: "I have found the answer is to love you and be loved by you alone." What a reassuring thought it is to believe I have found the answer. That statement is monumental. It is isn't like a "Eurika!"(spelling?) but is instead more like a sigh of relief. "Are you for real? Wow...it's about time."

"What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do."-Bob Dylan

Pizzaz

2006-04-09T14:26:00.000-07:00

So....things have been pretty good. Actually, things have been pretty awesome. I got a 2000 camry for my birthday which is sweet, both the car and it being my birthday on Saturday. Earlier this week I ate sushi with Anthony and Justin which was....interesting. The sushi made war on my stomach all night so I was tired at school the next day. Speaking of Anthony...he was supposed to give me a ride to a Halo LAN in Houston last night....and I couldn't get ahold of him. So..yeah that was a bummer but I still can't get ahold of him so I don't know if something is wrong or what. On Friday night I went camping with Jordan, Josh, Daniel, Richard, and Matt. We chilled by the campfire and played/listened to the guitar and talked about the past, the present and what the future holds for us. We also pranked a bit. Fun stuff. Anyways, that was my weekend, I'm about to go play halo at zack's, hope everyone had fun at spring retreat. Peace out. O, and according to Johan I should take up songwriting as a career. The days are getting better.

"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see. "- John Burroughs

Jibber Jabber

2006-03-28T13:41:00.000-08:00

Got a new picture put up. Also, please read "Path to The Sun". It's something I wrote yesterday and put on my writers portfolio HERE

For the sake of exposing this quote that won't fit in my Instant Messenger Info. I like this quote alot.

"There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendours. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of the kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously--no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinners--no mere tolerance, or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses. If he is your Christian neighbour, he is holy in almost the same way, for in him also Christ vere latitat, the glorifier and the glorified, Glory Himself, is truly hidden." - C.S. Lewis

Food for Thought

2006-03-26T19:17:00.000-08:00

What has been on my mind lately? Obviously, from my last post, a lot of chaos and distress is what. But, more precisely there has been something that has been brushing the center of my thought but has never quite made it to the control center where I could break it down. Hurray for posting on Sundays because I finally realized what it is that has been recurring in my thought process for the past week, two weeks...I'm not really sure how long. What it is that has been coming up in my thought process has been a result in large part not of some outside force, only indirectly, but instead a result of other thoughts. What it is that has been recurring in the borders of my thought has been how important it is to take time to think things through, to meditate and reflect on things. More importantly, to meditate and reflect on God. Throughout recent history (and I use this cliche term to describe the past few weeks for myself rather than the time allotted to global history which is apparently recent, although compared to what I'm not sure) I have gone back and forth in vicious cycles of thinking thoughts in accordance with my previous post and with thoughts that beg for me to sort out such thoughts. In other words, I think things I don't like thinking and I know I don't like thinking them but I "don't want to think about it right now". Well, it's about time I settled that garbage. I'm gonna be doing some reading (scripturely and otherwise) on the topic of reflection and meditation as well as some meditation and reflection of my own. I actually intended to fast this week but settled for today instead when I saw some leftover food from Chili's that I plan on having for lunch tomorrow.

"Most true happiness comes from one's inner life, from the disposition of the mind and soul. Admittedly, a good inner life is difficult to achieve, especially in these trying times. It takes reflection and contemplation and self-discipline." - William L Shirer

The disposition of the soul, needless to say, relies heavily on its peace. Peace is one of the fruits of the Spirit. I've made my point.

Endeavor to Persevere

2006-03-21T21:12:00.000-08:00

I'm very tired right now. Inside my head at least. Sleep doesn't seem to help the problem. Someone recommend I write down what's been on my mind, it was not my intention to blog this but here is what's been on my mind.

Where do I begin? I don't now how things are going to work out. I keep telling myself that it doesn't matter what happens, getting an education isn't everything in life. I keep telling myself that if I go off to college somewhere else and my friends are scattered to the four winds that it's ok. I keep screaming to myself that if I don't make it through college, if I don't make it anywhere, and end up a bum on the street that it's ok. God will weave my life how He sees fit, but I can't help but feel that pleasing God isn't what I want if it doesn't mean pleasing men. I'm trying very hard to allow God to have His will with me and keep some remnant of my own assertion in my life. It is very comforting to know that there are people that care about me, that will be there for me. But what if they aren't there when I need them, what if my own actions prevent anyone from being there at all? What if I drown myself in a pool of failures so deep that I not only lose the things which I deem as "secular goals" such as education and wealth but I also lose my friends? The thought is painful, I can only pray. It is hard to pray with confidence as the scripture tells me to; I will pray to the Lord for confidence in Him. Well, that is all in the future. The here and the now, I can't stop thinking about my relationships with people. No matter what kind of relationships, whether I be pursuing something with a girl for more than friendship or if I am just pursuing friendship, I find that I have put my relationships on an ever ascending summit that I strive to climb to. This is where God should be in my life, a place I know I can not wholly reach in this life yet passionately endeavor to reach. But this is not where God is in my life. I can only pray for strength to turn from my weakness and glorify God in His strength. I feel like weeping. I want it all to be over. "Endeavor to persevere." Easier said than done.

/vent

"We thought about it for a long time, 'Endeavor to peresevere.' And when we had thought about it long enough, we declared war on the Union. I didn't surrender, but they took my horse and made him surrender. They have him pulling a wagon up in Kansas I bet."
- Lone Watie the Indian from the movie Outlaw Josey Wales

Vivid Vigorous Vitality

2006-03-18T11:09:00.000-08:00

So...Spring Break is almost over. It is depressing in its own little way;however, it has been a good break and I'm glad of it. I'm also glad to get to see some of the people I didn't hang out with over the break, even though there is still opportunity for that. Some pretty awesome stuff has been going on. On Thursday the Aggies beat Syracuse and advanced in the NCAA basketball tournament(watching the aggie game today and hoping to pull of another win) and I went to watch "V for Vendetta". Quite honestly, it was the best movie I have seen in years. Now, in contrast, my sister and my mom thought it was really weird and didn't like it at all. So maybe I'm just weird, but that's nothing new. On Friday I went to go see "V for Vendetta" again and played ultimate frisbee which as usual was fun. My back has been bothering me again recently which sucks but thankfully it waited till after ultimate to give me problems. I haven't read as much of "The Four Loves" as I would have liked, between working on correspondence course work and playing games with friends I haven't had much free time to read but what I have read of it I found enjoyable. It was interesting to see, as I have said in a previous post, applicability in the things I read. An upside to reading frequently. "The Four Loves" is a book about love by C.S. Lewis. Lewis started the book by presenting the fact that for the Christian, as is stated in the Bible, love is the way which we should be living life. However, love should not be made a god in and of itself. This means simply to love God, not to worship love. To love people, but not to worship the loving of people. This means to hold God and people in a higher regard than the act of loving them. This by no means diminishes the role of love in our lives, it simply is a clarifier to the Christian to be aware of the feelings of affection, attraction, appreciation, and patriotism and their power to sometimes seem like "the voice of God" to us. Thoughts and feelings that are accompanied by these are often very powerful and often set up their own dominion within us. It is here that I find myself in the recent past, that here in this feeling of attraction or affection is where my life is meant to be going. This however is not necessarily God's will and for the modern day Christian a large struggle is often determining what exactly God's will is. For people struggling with determining God's will it is important to remember to realize that feelings of love may not be God's will but instead just that, feelings of love. As I have said this by no means diminishes the role of love in our lives. In the book of John Jesus says that "By this all men will know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another". Paul also says many things on love, it is the most perfect and pleasing way. So, love and love well because it is good to love. Simply keep in mind that love is not the peak of the summit, love is not the conclusion of all our hopes and dreams and longings. God is, and we love him.

random thoughts today not associated with love:

There is a feeling in music
but music is fickle and fleeting
why else would we listen to it so repeatedly and so often?

There is a beauty in nature
but the nature of this world is indirect
nature is best appreciated unintentionally-as Lewis says in "The Four Loves", if you go out with the intention of appreciating nature you will soon find it boring and stagnant. Even Wordsworth(who some of you in English IV may recall was a nature lover) died saying that the glory had passed away.

But when we die we will be united with God in Heaven and God is not fickle or fleeting and enjoying his presence is not indirect. I am confident that I will enjoy God with the intention of enjoying God, directly and with purpose and fulfilling enjoyment. The myth that Heaven will be boring is just that, a myth.

After death we will find that our prayers were not in vain. That the culmination of our hopes and dreams are here with God, and that our longings were indeed for something real, more real than the things we listened to or the things that we saw. More real than the things that we can touch and feel.

"love ceases to be a demon only when he ceases to be a god."-M. Denis de Rougemont

I will add that, at least in my own opinion(although I'm fairly confident this has Biblical backing), love is the most important of all virtues. I will also add that I would hope not to demean love for you in anyway by what I have said, it is still a very(here comes irony) lovely thing. You guys make me smile, peace out.

Writing

2006-03-15T16:46:00.000-08:00

Hey, just letting you guys know I made an account over at www.writing.com (Here is a direct link to my profile there.)which is a community of authors and readers that can post writings and other people can read them and review them. I will be posting anything non-bloggish there, such as essays and random fantasy fiction writings. I will post an update on here whenever I make a post on there if you feel like reading my writings. I will still continue to make my normal posts on this blog such as my book reviews, random thoughts, day to day life etc. I'm enjoying "The Four Loves" very much and will ramble about that soon, apologies for the lack of creative thought, my mind is mush unless I'm reading so now I just end up reviewing what I read on here. I swear I'll try to make it interesting in the future hehe. Peace out dudes and dudettes.

"Any man who reads too much and uses his brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking."
-Albert Einstein

.....bah humbug, I never thought much of Einstein anyway.

Spring Break!

2006-03-13T15:21:00.000-08:00

Woohoo! Spring Break!(also known as Lisa's birth week in our house haha). Sorry I haven't posted anything of interest lately but I've been feeling somewhat removed from deep thought and pretty lethargic in my brain. Things of interest recently: March 12th was Katherine Wilson's birthday, March 13th is Stephen Green's birthday, and March 14th is my sister's birthday...that's the first time I have ever known three people all line up like that so...we should throw a party or something hehe. Anyway, happy birthday to you three if you read this, which I doubt except for maybe Lisa.
I have thoroughly been enjoying my spring break and hope you guys have too, I'm gonna go read "The Four Loves" by C.S. Lewis and hopefully I will have something to post about it. Bye for now.

Comments

2006-03-08T14:14:00.000-08:00

I tried adding a new comment program but the problem still remains that If you leave a comment it doesn't show up. So...if you would like to comment you can just tell me.
E-mail: TheMightyClown@gmail.com
AIM: FlyingClown346

Warmth

2006-03-07T21:44:00.000-08:00

Here is the much anticipated Boxing video made by the Wesley family and the junior guys from GBC. Enjoy. On a more serious note and looking towards the future, I plan on making a post about what I believe(God, Christianity etc.) and why I believe it. There will probably be posts between here and there and it might take over the summer but hopefully that will be swell. Sweet dreams dudes and dudettes, peace out you cool cats.

That Hideous Strength

2006-02-28T15:36:00.000-08:00

Hello friends, the past week has been....interesting and to say the least a trial for me mentally and emotionally. At the beginning of last week I had one thing in mind, I have alluded to it in previous posts, and that was a girl. After my post on Kardia you can probably piece out what the selfish motive I was struggling with was. On Monday and on Tuesday I was consecutively in horrible moods and as I told several people, just wanted to go home and listen to metallica and sleep. I think at the moment it is safe to say that I am no longer struggling with this. I decided not to pursue a relationship with said girl for several reasons including the fact that I can't drive. It sounds like a small problem but it leads to the larger problem that I never could actually hang out with her alone since...yeah I need rides everywhere. So that's one of the problems, it wouldn't have occurred naturally, I would have had to force it. I didn't want to force it and that's that, maybe I'm too lazy or maybe I just decided it wasn't a good idea; it was most likely a little bit of both. Another reason I decided not to pursue a relationship was the fact that when I was intending to pursue a relationship all I could think about was how it was going to work out or, even worse, if it would work out at all. Now, this is perfectly natural to be anxious or worried about something of this sort but it was putting me in a bad mood. I can't wait till I'm old and don't have much of a future to worry about. I hate worrying about things and as you may have noticed try to avoid doing so if at all possible. I have come upon the realization that while this was all I was thinking about I was in a very selfish mindset. My thoughts looked liked this:I want this to happen. If it doesn't happen I'm gonna be frustrated. Why can't good things happen to me? Why can't I have a real meaningful relationship with someone? Will this need inside me to give someone love ever be satisfied? Will I die alone? What I failed to realize while traveling down this path of thoughts was the good things in life. Now, it should be made clear where I am mentally and spiritually. I have already come to the realization that there is a lot to be thankful for and am quite appreciative of life and existence. (If you struggle with this, I will again recommend reading "Gilead" along with Psalms and other parts of the Bible. I just have a bad tendency to read fiction.) However, I came upon this realization that existence was something amazing to be cherished without having delt with selfish ambition recently. After dealing with this train of thought and coming out in peace I have through experience followed the fact of the amazingness of existence to the next truth that to cherish existence requires a non-selfish mindset. A mindset trained on God and on other people. This seems like a basic concept but, when pressured by a selfish goal(particularly one as powerful as seeking the opposite halves of our souls known as women), it is "easier said than done." I hope that I will be able to cherish life and the people living it with me more now, it is truly amazing how many people there are, and how intricate and amazing each one of them is. To steal the title of one of C.S. Lewis' books and use it differently, I am at constant war with That Hideous Strength, that darkness inside composed of anything that would keep me from doing what I long to do the most. O how I long to know the depths of your soul, O stranger whom I call friend. O how I long to understand your ways, O fiend that I call foe.

"Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it."
-Ralph Marston

Row Your Boats

2006-02-19T13:34:00.000-08:00

This weekend was Kardia which is like a disciple now. At least, that is what I'm told, I've never been to a disciple now. This post is brief. Kardia means heart in Greek which is appropriate because alot of things in my heart and mind are sorting out. The topic of the weekend was prayer and other than discuss prayer alot, I bet you wouldn't guess, we prayed alot too. All in all I was forced to admit that underneath ever single one of my private prayers was a selfish motive. Not a jumble of selfish motives, just one really. I realized that Jesus is a beast, there's no one better to have with you when your rowing down the stream of life. I also realized that when you paddle even a hair off the course Jesus wants to paddle on, you will be very sore. It isn't the best idea to paddle towards a destination telling the captain of your little boat the whole way, " Comon, this way looks great, I want to go there so bad." The captain is the captain for several reasons, including the fact that he knows where he is going, and he is in control of the rutter. If you want to paddle even in the tiniest different direction be my guest, but my arms are sore. At the same time I should mention that it isn't wrong to want your life to go in a certain direction if you don't know which way the captain wants you to go. I certainly want very badly for things in my life to go in a certain direction right now but alas, it isn't courageous and valiant to paddle against the captain, it's stubborn and stupid. Prayer has many applications;however, for this analogy this is where prayer comes in. If you don't know which way the captain intends to go what better way to find out then ask? Beat on the window of the cabin, jump, holler and cry! If worst comes to worst you still aren't really sure which way to go, but I'm inclined to think the captain will give you a few pointers. And yes, the stream does often get wide and fast and really, not much like a stream at all.

"Then he(Jesus) said to them, ' Suppose one of you has a friend, and he goes to him at midnight and says, "Friend, lend me three loaves of bread, because a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have nothing to set before him." Then the one inside answers, " Don't bother me. The door is already locked, and my children are with me in bed. I can't get up and give you anything." I tell you, though he will not get up and give him the bread because he is his friend, yet because of the man's boldness he will get up and give him as much as he needs."
-Luke 11:5-8

I love you cool cats.

You said What?

2006-02-14T18:00:00.000-08:00

Wilfried gave me the great idea that I should comment on my own poems, it helps me understand them more and it helps other people understand them more. So, I'll break down the previous post by stanza. It should be noted that a collaboration of many books and many moods have been put into this poem and I will refer to several books which these thoughts come from, I don't claim to be original or creative, there's a good bit that is my own but many of the thoughts can find their basis in some reading.

Stanza 1. The silver tides throughout the poem always gave me a mental image of crashing waves in a black and white film, also death is represented in these silver tides and brilliant greys as can be seen in the next lines "weep for mercy, we die today". The whole poem is all in all a contemplation on death from basically the perspective of someone dying.

Stanza 2. This stanza is the narrator looking back on life, did he enjoy the moments he should have? In "Gilead" the main character who is writing letters puts it well as he opens the book, "I told you last night that I might be gone sometime, and you said, Where, and I said, To be with the Good Lord, and you said, Why, and I said, Because I'm old, and you said, I don't think you're old. And you put your hand in my hand and you said, You aren't very old, as if that settled it. I told you you might have a very different life from mine, and from the life you've had with me, and that would be a wonderful thing, there are many ways to live a good life. And you said, Mama already told me that. And then you said, Don't laugh! because you thought I was laughing at you. You reached up and put your fingers on my lips and gave me that look I never in my life saw on any other face besides your mother's. It's a kind of furious pride, very passionate and stern. I'm always a little surprised to find my eyebrows unsinged after I've suffered one of those looks. I will miss them. It seems ridiculous to suppose the dead miss anything. If you're a grown man when you read this--it is my intention for this letter that you will read it then--I'll have been gone a long time. I'll know most of what there is to know about being dead, but I'll probably keep it to myself. That seems to be the way of things." I love this book, it makes me wish I had the kind of love the writer does for his family and for life. If you haven't read it, again I highly encourage you to.The next part of the stanza comes from C.S. Lewis who I have been reading a lot of lately, in his book "Out of the Silent Planet" the main character Ransom is talking to someone from another planet who says to him of pleasure that ," A pleasure is full grown only when it is remembered. You are speaking Human, as if the pleasure were one thing and the memory another. It is all one thing....What you call remembering is the last part of the pleasure...When you and I met, the meeting was over very shortly, it was nothing. Now it is growing something as we remember it. But still we know very little about it. What it will be when I remember it as I lie down to die, what it makes in me all my days till then--that is the real meeting. The other is only the beginning of it. You say you have poets in your world. Do they not teach you this?" This stanza was nearly directly from Gilead by Marilynne Robinson and Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis. The message is simply that of the narrator looking back on life.

Stanza 3. This stanza is my own and is quite simple. The idea of general revelation, God revealing himself through life, creation etc. The love of His children reflected in smiles and laughter and his majesty reflected in His creation. This stanza is like the chorus if it were a song.

Stanza 4. This stanza goes on to talk of the caress, the caress is referred to here and later in the poem and is a reference to the wind blowing through your hair. "The caress of a God who cares..." The next part of the poem talks about how God is often portrayed as this object out in the universe or even as the universe itself and people might have difficulty feeling close to Him.

Stanza 5. Another reference to the caress, the wind blowing around the world touching, a reminder of God's presence.

Stanza 6. The poem comes back to the "storyline" of death approaching, The sorrow of the knowledge that daily we forsake God with our choices, when the time comes will we flee from Him or will we be able to embrace him unashamed?

Stanza 7. God's infinite love raining down on His people even though people are often thankful for nothing more than the things that make them unique, their own "self".

Stanza 8. The poem returns to death. The act is over.

Stanza 9. Simply put, there is more to life than our bodies and death is not the end.

Stanza 10. The chorus.

Stanza 11. The narrator has contemplated the caress of God and has come face to face with the loneliness of feeling far from him. The narrator feels the love of God as a comfort but is reminded that death is approaching and continues to reflect on his choices throughout life. Thoughts of more of God's traits including righteous anger and justice streamline there way through his mind. God is the "tranquility over the chaos reign(the earth)", essentially His wrath is not exacted upon the sinful earth without cause but remains patient; however, His wrath makes the chaos reign look like a spring rain. The fading of the firestorm brings to picture wrath(the firestorm) but also an optimistic reminder that God is not going to firestorm all of us(fading)and those He will He will do so with just cause. This stanza isn't exactly clear but the mental images I got from the words portrayed the message to me.

Stanza 12. The core of white fire is an attempt to describe the unexplainable, God's glory. It inspires man but man in his quest to find God struggles through life wandering through his thoughts like a man lost in a desert searching for water.

Stanza 13. This stanza is about fellowship with each other. We can find strength in friendship and unity and strive to push beyond the closeness that we may feel to God in nature and beyond the distance we may feel that separates us from Him into a more developed and fruitful relationship with each other and with God.

Stanza 14. This stanza continues the idea of fellowship but takes it further. It essentially states that through our love for one another we live life to the fullest, we "sprint the marathon" which in itself is an absurd idea. You can't sprint a marathon, its an endurance race much like life may often feel,this paradox is what gives this stanza its emphasis. The stanza continues to say, " in ancient tongue He spoke" this is in reference to John 13:35 in which Jesus says, "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, that you have love for one another." The reason it is in ancient tongue is because Jesus most likely spoke Hebrew. The last line says ,"we in sleep our dreams have sung." Basically its saying in life(sleep) we have "sung" our dreams. C.S. Lewis and other authors who I can't recall like to portray that the love we have for one another on earth is but a foretaste of the love we will have in spirit after death when God has perfected His creation and made a new Heaven and Earth. So, in life our actions of love proclaim what our dreams are, I got a mental picture of someone sleeping and sitting next to them and you know what they are dreaming because they are singing in their sleep, in a similar fashion it should be that our love for one another proclaims our dream of union with God where we may find the fullness of love.

Stanza 15. The poem ends with a more optimistic look at death, instead of weeping for mercy as the narrator goes to his creator for judgment, the ultimate reality is that he will be dancing in paradise. We are under the assumption that the narrator is a Christian and will be in Heaven.

Hope you liked the poem. Peace out dudes and dudettes.

Silver tides

2006-02-13T14:00:00.000-08:00

A song/poem thing I wrote today at school while I should have been paying attention.

"
Silver tides
a brilliant grey
weep for mercy,
we die today

a nostalgia
our poets taught us to make memories last
a graceful meeting in the present, from the past

this quintessential argument is not made by words
it's a smile
it's the laughter
it's the raindrops dripping, falling down
it's the wind blowing through your hair

the caress of a God who cares
who stares
through unwavering nebulas and stars
so distant, so far

but His caress lets you know He's there
everpresent, everywhere

Dreaming you dream of dreams
only he can satisfy
your choices forsake his touch, his grace
when it comes will you run, will you embrace?

Beautifully, infinitely
His love raining down on you, His creation
thankful for nothing but individuality
still His love beautifully, infinitely drips down

Silver tides
a brilliant grey
the act is over
we die today

a life
so fragile, so fast
the flesh fades but the spirit lasts

this quintessential argument is not made by words
it's a smile
it's the laughter
it's the raindrops dripping, falling down
its the wind blowing through your hair

a God who flares
whose wrath and justice flow
the tranquility over the chaos reign
the fading of the firestorm

the core of white fire inspires
God fearing man
his mind and soul a desert
he wanders the lonely sand

Come with me lover, brother, friend
Dreaming we will dream of dreams
he will satisfy
in fellowship we will carry each other there
beyond the caress, beyond the stare

Through our love for one another
we sprint the marathon
to spread His glory and His grace
in ancient tongue he spoke
we in sleep our dreams have sung

Silver tides
a brilliant grey
ultimate reality
we dance today
"

Just a bunch of thoughts floating around so I grabbed them. I have a tendency to make up things and sing them as I walk down the hallway and the whole silver tides thing has been stuck in my head for like the past week or more. Peace.

"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." -Edgar Allan Poe

Passion Roses

2006-02-12T19:26:00.000-08:00

Hey, I made a picture in photoshop and threw it up here. I didn't like having boba fett on here, it didn't seem very reflective of the content of the blog, even though it looked pretty cool. Feedback on the new picture would be nice, if there's anything I should change about it or any cool suggestions. Formatting suggestions for the blog around the picture and whatever would be cool too. peace out.

p.s.- Jack Johnson is awesome. and so are naps. and good food and friendly people. =)

Very Beautiful

2006-02-10T13:10:00.000-08:00

Your addicted aren't you? Stop spying on my thoughts, I don't make these things for your convenience, its an outlet for reflection! Haha, anyways, it's really hard to start posts on this thing, I always have things to say on here but starting this creatively is difficult, I might just start posting it in a rigid format. But....that's more than slightly boring. This past week I wrote the last research paper of my highschool career and finished a Biology II project that I procrastinated on (I procrastinated on the paper as well). We had off from school today which was a relief I was dying for, I am overjoyed that I have this day to spend and not take away from the annoying time schedule that the weekend normally is. Last night we had jitterbug lessons up at the church gym and that was pretty awesome. I enjoyed learning actual dance steps for the first time in my life. It seemed like everyone else enjoyed their time as well and the dance on Saturday should be a fun time. This morning I regret not waking up in time to go with Josh to his philosophy class at A&M but we spent time together at Java Joy where we met for our now weekly study of The Lord of the Rings, Tolkien, the Christian themes in The Lord of the Rings, and pretty much life itself. Lo and behold who else was at Java Joy? None other than the nationally famous fightin Texas GBC Senior Guys! Haha, yeah cool stuff. Anyways, the heart of the post lies here in the discussion we had today. I love meeting with these guys, I've known most of them for some time now and getting to know Mike and spending time with him has been fantastic. Today our discussion lasted about 2 and a half hours so we got a lot of interesting conversation in. I'll try to remember what all we talked about, remind me to bring a pen and paper next time we meet. We discussed: allegory and applicability, myth and its application to life, the spiritual realm and its importance (this will probably come up in every meeting hehe), the brain's effect on the spirit and the spirit's effect on the brain, free will and election(which I believe was the topic of the senior guy's study there), the requirements for good learning, television, prayer, subtlety in the The Lord of the Rings, and lots of other stuff that tied in with The Lord of the Rings that I can't recall which is why I need to bring a pen and a notebook.
The main points I wanted to hit on are: the application of myth, the spiritual realm, the requirements for good learning, and the handling of knowledge.

1. The application of myth
What we basically talked about here was how much myth can be applied to our lives. There is a common accusation that people who read a lot of fantasy books such as The Lord of the Rings are escaping reality, similarly to how people escape their troubles through alcohol. This however, is very false. The Lord of the Rings resounds with epic truths that are the guiding path of life itself and what Tolkien calls "the true myth, the myth that enters history", Christianity. Tolkien's good friend C.S. Lewis describes it well, I'll have to find that sometime. I believe it was something along the lines that myth does not lead us away from reality but restores for us the truth that is often covered by the vale of familiarity. Essentially, the study of The Lord of the Rings for us is a way to invigorate a Christian walk by bringing out how much it really is applicable to our lives as is seen in The Lord of the Rings through moral choices, a spiritual battle of good and evil, free will and the importance of the decisions each character makes.(One of the observations made concerning this particularly was that the elves especially have to deal with decisions forever because they are immortal, the only way for an elf to die is in battle or by grief. Elrond for example suffers, even though he did no wrong, from the decision of Isildur to not destroy the ring three thousand years before the setting of The Lord of the Rings.) Mike stated last week that every Christian should read The Lord of the Rings and I echo that with a passion. If you haven't read Tolkien's work, please stop being stubborn, it isn't a nerd thing, its an important way to cultivate yourself as a human being, its an epic thing.

2. The spiritual realm
This is a short point that we touched on this week and discussed in more detail last week. This is the fact that the grand scheme of things is on a spiritual level. As a Christian and a part of the church that fact is easily taken for granted. The IMPORTANT things happen on a SPIRITUAL level. It is IMPORTANT to remember that. This comes up in our study of The Lord of the Rings because Tolkien much more so than many other writers appreciates this fact. If you know the history of The Lord of the Rings you know that characters such as Gandalf, Saruman, Balrogs, Sauron, and others are essentially angels.

3. Requirements for good learning
Something I think I have always known in the back of my mind but never really embraced is that learning is enjoyable. However, this doesn't mean that school is enjoyable which is what often confused me. Mike made an interesting point today that the requirements for good learning are: a safe, challenging, and loving environment to learn in; experience, and reflection afterwards. The example for this was Jesus' teaching of the apostles. The apostles learned an extreme amount in an environment that was safe, loving, but also very challenging when they experienced it. Jesus sent the disciples out to cast out demons, if that isn't experience and challenging I'm not sure what is. The apostles also reflected on their learning with Jesus afterwards," why would the demon not come out?" and etc.

4. Handling of knowledge
Probably the most important thing I walked away with today was how best to handle knowledge. I constantly find myself in awe of older wiser men, they make me look very foolish very often. The most awe inspiring thing about real wisdom is the acknowledgment that real wisdom is not in knowledge but like Mike said in ," handling knowledge very gently, and not clutching and grasping it". It's not all about knowing, its about loving. Its about holding what you know gently in front of you in open cupped hands before other men understanding that what you "know" may or may not be right. At the same time however, it is important to draw a line between yourself and your outstretched open hands, because after this line there is only truth. It is important to accept that you may be wrong in many areas, but it is equally important to accept your belief as truth, if you don't I would say you either don't believe or are struggling with doubt. I was confronted with a fact that I had already observed but still made me realize that I was not holding my knowledge gently but grasping at it when Mike made the point that the belief that God is outside of time(a point I brought up in a previous post here) doesn't really have much, if any, Biblical support. Its a good thing to realize one's own mistakes because that is where we grow. Growth doesn't occur under arrogance and knowledge, it occurs under humility and wisdom.

Peace out dudes,

Love, Clown.

"All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost."- J.R.R Tolkien

God, Time, Fear.....Yoda?

2006-02-01T21:47:00.000-08:00

Heya peeps. I found some free time to post because tonight's episode of Lost was a re-run so I got home about 30 minutes early. The first part of this post is about an idea I had on Sunday about prayer and God.

1. God & Time.
Basically Bryan Fisher the pastor at Grace was giving a sermon which I didn't catch all of, which usually might be because I was zoning out or was tired but this time around I was actually contemplating a lot of things that had to do with God and life etc. I guess I was praying for some of it and some of it I was contemplating. Anyway, Bryan said something that turned a light bulb on in my head. The point I'm going to make some of you may have already realized and I may have talked to some of you about it before. Bryan told a story about this little girl who prayed for a water bottle and a doll, the water bottle was for a pre-mature baby in the orphanage and the doll was to comfort her. Without the bottle for some medical reason the baby was going to die. That day a package showed up that was packaged 5 months earlier with clothes in it for the orphans, it also had 1 water bottle and 1 doll. Immediately a stream of thoughts rushed through my head towards the light bulb and in milliseconds light was bursting forth in the form of a smile on my face. To me the conclusion of these thoughts was revolutionary for me. I'll break it down. God is outside of time. Therefore right now as your reading this, this is right now to God. Simple enough. It also means that Christmas day is right now for God. God is here with you reading this right now and he is with you on Christmas last December. This means that the little girl who prayed to God influenced the actions of the people who sent the package....5 months before she prayed. Pretty crazy right? Time is an illusion that we are bound by, unfortunately we ARE bound by it, so you can't just act like nothing matters because as mortal beings we are allotted a period of existence which is measured in time. I'm not sure what this means to you but to me it is reassuring to think that outside of myself and the universe there is the present and only the present. There is not future or past, whether this is true for all spiritual beings or only for God I'm not really sure but it is still makes me feel better, I guess it makes me feel more secure in God's control, o ye of little faith. That sums up the first part of the post which leads to the two second things I wanted to comment on which are much shorter.Here they are

2. Fear
The second thing I wanted to comment on was this: In the hadden's house tonight I saw a poster that was for the movie "The Sum of All Fears", I remember seeing the movie and from what I remember it is about a nuclear threat to the United States. I just wanted to point out the obvious and take a moment to consider the fact that the sum of all fears is much larger than nuclear threats or indeed anything that man can conjure up. For one there is all the little things I am afraid of in my life. Day to day I fear things like specific involvements with people and things like that. I don't really fear nukes at all. If a nuke hit us I would die and go to heaven and honestly it would probably be quick and painless, getting radiated and have mutated kids, now that would suck for the kids and is worth being afraid of but still nothing spectacular in the realm of fear. Because even though the little things in life can be as frightening as a nuclear warhead there are threats to our survival that would make it quite unbearable or at least very uncomfortable. These things do tend to provoke an immense amount of fear. But unzoom a bit and consider for a moment everything that is wrong with the state the world is in right now, I mean this in several ways not only the state of poverty and war but the state of man. Sin, as it always has been, is rampant. Consider the word pain, the word can be used to describe many things, think of them all. Combine them all and yes it is quite frightening to imagine that you might be placed under the stresses of all forms and fashions of pain which include physical pain but are most definitely not limited to it. Now zoom out a bit and consider demons and hell and the very essence of evil. Nuclear warheads make you giggle. Now, I'm not trying to point out something that everyone doesn't understand already, everyone knows there is a lot to be afraid of. But, contemplation is healthy, so at the next period just stop and think about the state the world is in and add to it what I said: demons, hell, the essence of evil and fear itself. Now you hopefully have a very vivid image of fear. The best part is this, imagine how little of all the things to be afraid of in the universe you actually have to deal with. It's all peachy eh?

3. Yoda
This last comment is more of a joke that I felt like throwing in and probably won't be funny to anyone. Me and Matt Young picked up on a conversation we had on ski trip last year and started comparing characters from movies and stuff in battles. Like so.

Darth Vader vs Terminator who wins?

And so it proceeded like that for a long time, Yoda was definitely our favorite choice for winning.
There was one rather debated match that was:

Yoda vs Superman

Me and Matt both said it was obviously Yoda while Katherine and her brother both said Superman, we were terribly shocked and quite upset.

There were no more good ones after:

Stevie Wonder vs Ray Charles

I still don't know who would win but it would definitely be worth watching on ESPN Classic decades from now.

The night ended with Hellen Keller jokes, you know the kind of jokes that just shouldn't be laughed at? Yes we spent a while laughing at those. And yes, Helen Keller beat Yoda.

Good night dudes and dudettes, pots of gold.

Happens to the best of us.

2006-01-28T22:14:00.000-08:00

Hey there. Things are well I hope. Anyway, if you tried watching the video from the last post and could only hear it but not see it...you might need Divx which is a video driver you can download off of the internet. Since the last post I made I worked out some confusing things that were bothering me and now all I have to do is put plans into action! (Yes there is a girl involved and no it doesn't happen to be any of your business.) Haha, now then, sorry about that no need of me to be harsh but I don't intend to elaborate other than that the opposite sex is delightfully troublesome at its best. With that sort of thing consuming my thoughts I don't know how I managed to keep up my habit of reading but somehow I did, actually more so than usual. I think that I read sometimes just to get my mind off of things, which seems counter-productive because the books I have been reading have been pretty thought provoking. Now that I think about it, it is probably better that they are thought provoking, then I start thinking about all sorts of things in this enormous universe and forget my previous thoughts. At least until I put my book down haha. Anyways, this past week I read "Pilgrim's Regress" and "The Screwtape Letters" along with its addition "Screwtape Proposes a Toast", which is really just an added chapter to "The Screwtape Letters". They were both very good books,as always Lewis continues to produce valuable thoughts, ponderings, and entertainment, even long after his death. "It is no insult to say a dead man is dead". I can't remember what movie that is from...but yeah, you get the drift. And, if you don't, well just keep reading I guess. Not everyone is blessed with a sense of humor. While I am reading I usually look for certain passages of interest or significant importance, one specifically in Pilgrim's Regress took a very interesting view on hell which I will reveal here in a moment. The reason I didn't pick one from The Screwtape Letters in no way means it doesn't have any significant statements or interesting thoughts, it only means I read through it very quickly and already had in my mind that I wanted to talk about Pilgrim's Regress before I even started reading the next book. I don't feel like picking at the bone but I will present to you the meat of the matter. "Pilgrim's Regress" is an allegory showing the life of someone who through many trials was led to Christianity and has to confront the world as it really is on a return journey(he has traveled along way by this point). On his return journey he has a conversation with his guide concerning the people who have chosen not to follow the "Landlord" who is God. He also discusses the "Black Hole" which is Hell.
Here it is: ahgoahioghiBFODHAUHO!!Q@ohiaofi.................I can't find my book. This is rediculous hold on. Its late, early in the morning actually, and I'm sleepy. Un momento. A few more momentos later...and someone is talking to me on AIM, they should be asleep! Kids these days..they need to get up to worship God in the morning and here they are chit-chatting on the internet! Unfortunatley I ended up waking my brother up to find it in his room, but here it is!
Sorry about the whole five second delay it cost you, much more sorry about the forty minutes it cost me, but o well. Prepare yourself, your not going to be reading Chris Allison anymore, your going to be reading C.S. Lewis, and yes sometimes www.dictionary.com is a good friend when reading Lewis. I'm not really sure if thats a real site but yeah, Lewis doesn't like putting things straight, especially in these allegories of his. Also take note that the Mountain-apple he refers to is talked about earlier in the book and basically represents the forbidden fruit in Eden, as well as sin. Take a deep breath, this is gonna be long.

"Then there is, after all," said John, "a black hole such as my old Steward described to me."
"I do not know what your Steward described. But there is a black hole."
"And still the Landlord is 'so kind and good'!"
"I see you have been among the Enemy's people. In these latter days there is no charge against the Landlord which the Enemy brings so often as cruelty. That is just like the Enemy: for he is, at bottom, very dull. He has never hit on the one slander against the Landlord which would be really plausible. Anyone can refute the charge of cruelty. If he really wants to damage the Landlord's character, he has a much stronger line than that to take. He ought to say that the Landlord is an inveterate gambler. That would not be true, but it would be plausible, for there is no denying that the Landlord does take risks."
"But what about the charge of cruelty?"
"I was just coming to that. The Landlord has taken the risk of working the country with free tenants instead of slaves in chain gangs: and as they are free there is no way of making it impossible for them to go into forbidden places and eat forbidden fruits. Up to a certain point he can doctor them even when they have done so, and break them of the habit, But beyond that point--you can see for yourself. A man can go on eating mountain apple so long that nothing will cure his craving for it: and the very worms it breeds inside him will make him more certain to eat more. You must not try to fix the point after which a return is impossible, but you can see that there will be such a point somewhere."
"But surely the Landlord can do anything?"
"He cannot do what is contradictory: or, in other words, a meaningless sentence will not gain meaning simply because someone chooses to prefix to it the words 'the Landlord can'. And it is meaningless to talk of forcing a man to do freely what a man has freely made impossible for himself."
"I see. But at least these poor creatures are unhappy enough: there is no need to add a black hole."
"The Landlord does not make the blackness. The blackness is there already wherever the taste of mountain apple has created the vermiculate will. What do you mean by a hole? Something that ends. A black hole is blackness enclosed, limited. And in that sense the Landlord has made the black hole. He has put into the world a Worst Thing. But evil of itself would never reach a worst: for evil is fissiparous and could never in a thousand eternities find any way to arrest its own reproduction. If it could, it would be no longer evil: for Form and Limit belong to the good. The walls of the black hole are the tourniquet on the wound through which the lost soul else would bleed to a death she never reached. It is the Landlord's last service to those who will let him do nothing better for them."

This passage is very interesting in its discussion of free will and of hell. This view of hell that Lewis represents is quite out of the ordinary, the thing is that people don't usually come to the question of why God created a hell and actually come up with an answer. They either deny God because of his cruelty or accept God because they believe in Him or have other theological reasons. Lewis actually presents an answer which is fairly sound. I don't have the stamina to keep thinking about it right now but I hope it intrigues you. Good night ladies and gentlemen, until we meet again, I bid you farewell.

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer." - Rainer Maria Rilke

Fatality, Lil-Poison, CPL & MLG Aired on 60 Minutes

2006-01-23T15:08:00.000-08:00

An interesting bit about the upcoming phenomenon that is professional gaming. Inform yourself here. Thanks to Wilfried again for providing my webspace needs and to CPL and 60 Minutes for allowing this to be downloaded.

"It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education" - Albert Einstein

Fish Bowl

2006-01-22T18:46:00.000-08:00

So long time no see eh? No? You didn't want to see me post for a few more months? Too bad. I'll just sum up the past few days and such. I was thinking about posting an addition to my post on personality but decided that it would require too much thought and energy that I don't feel like expending. Sorry. This past weekend I went to student conference in Houston with the youth group and it was really fun. The conference it self was intriguing and somewhat entertaining while the various members of the youth group continued to prove their value as unmatchable entertainment. After the first session of the conference on Friday I ate dinner at a Cajun restaurant with a bunch of the senior guys, Ray, Clayton and Jaron. We had a blast and I had raw oysters for the first time which were pretty good and definitely not near as bad as I thought they would be, considering the horrible things people say about them. Saturday was filled with lots of jumping to music and it wore me down pretty good. My calves(gastrocnemius for you anatomy nerds) are also slightly sore. The next day (today) I went to church and ate lunch with my brother and mom and since then have just been studying and playing video games and such. Around 5ish I watched "Phantom of the Opera" which was a good movie in several different ways, it also helped to fill up some wasted time. So that has been my weekend, pretty sweet all in all, I just started reading "Pilgrim's Regress" by C.S. Lewis and it is affirming my thought that I will most likely enjoy any and every C.S. Lewis book I will ever read. That being said before I read "Beyond the Shadowlands", which is a commentary on Heaven and Hell in Lewis' writing, I intend to read all the C.S. Lewis books there are, or at least all the ones I can get my hands on. So if you happen to have one of the following books and don't mind me borrowing them that would be splendid: "Screwtape Letters", "The Four Loves", any of the Narnia books, and any other of his works. Call me or AIM me or something and let me know. That wraps everything up, I am in a pretty swell mood, pretty confused about several decisions I have to make in the upcoming future and am practically dying for a cappucino, but pretty swell. Peace out dudes and dudettes, enjoy life.

"Hush my love now don't you cry
Everything will be all right
Close your eyes and drift in dream
Rest in peaceful sleep"
-Lullaby by Creed

halo video

2006-01-13T17:15:00.000-08:00

a sweet halo1 video by insidious. thanks to wilfried for the webspace. here is the link.

PeRsOnALiTy

2006-01-12T22:42:00.000-08:00

Hey, today I started writing a persuasive letter for my correspondence course and realized that I was just arguing something that I believed already which made it incredibly easier. I ended up rambling about it and got more than a letter. O well, hopefully they don't fail me or something, here it is for you to read if you like. It is about personality and the influential factors which are: response, environment, and heredity. Let me know what you think and I apologize ahead of time for any typos.

"There are three primary factors which influence personality, these are: one's response to his environment, environment, and heredity. Response to environment however, is more of an influential factor than either of the other two factors, although all of the factors do have influence and effects.

Concerning environment it has been said that not only is it an influential factor of personality but the most influential, more so even than one's responses to environment. This however, undermines the power of free will and takes a very fatalistic outlook that your environment is the primary shaper of your personality, which is to say it is the primary shaper of the "you" in "your personality". And that is a dreary outlook. For is it not our choices that make us who we are and distinguish us as individuals? Let me explain via example. Throughout highschool I have had the priviledge to have several classes with a girl who for the sake of things we will name Allison. I have grown to admire Allison, although I have not conversed with her often I have an odd tendency to observe people. I have grown to admire her because of her choices which reflect her character and her personality.(It is interesting to note that my choice to admire her is indeed a choice and a reflection of my own personality.) Allison is a happy girl, not the kind of girl who can't stop giggling and always has a huge smile, but simply plain good mood happy. She tries hard in school, she is in honors classes and maintains acceptable grades of a student who puts forth effort. From what I have said she is seemingly an all together respectable person, and she is. She is also of Hispanic descent and had a child last year. I mention the latter to highlight the influence that our choices have on us, both good and bad. For she has surely made some choices which she regrets but I am confident she has also made many good choices. I mention the former not to discriminate against her because of her race but instead to point out the flaw in stereotyping. For if one actually believed the common stereotype then he would be falling into the belief that those who fall under the stereotype all behave in a certain manner because of their environment. This is exactly the idea which I hope to have disproved in my account of Allison. Allison is a good respectable name, a beautiful name.

Futhermore, another reason I believe that one's response to his environment is more influential to his personality than his environment itself is that Newton's third law, for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, may be applied. At least, I feel it can in an unusual way. For every circumstance there is an equal and opposite response. Assuming that the environment is more influential than one's response to the environment is comparable to saying that the action is greater than the reaction it produces. Now I could end this rubbish about the environment right now but there is a flaw in what I have said. I could move on having clarified that the circumstance can not be greater than the response it produces. This however, will seem contradictory when opposers of this view ask about some unreasonable buffoon, whom they have the bad luck of being friends with, who completely over reacts to everything. How is it that the response may be greater than the circumstance? This seemingly blatant flaw is easily corrected though when one realizes that the magnitude of the response varies accordingly with the magnitude of the circumstance which varies based on how the responder perceives it. And so it is that the response may not be greater than the circumstance, it may only be that the circumstance was overperceived. But, it should be noted that the response may be of greater value than the circumstance. Greater value is given to the response because the response is derived from the free will of the responder through choice which, as I hoped to prove through my account of Allison, is a tremendously valuable thing. The value of the response is what gives it value in our lives and leads us to the logical conclusion that one's response to the environment is more influential to one's personality than the environment itself.

Finally, the argument is also made that heredity plays a similar role and limits our personality in a way which is more influential than our response to the environment. This also undermines the power of free will. As long as heredity does not eliminate the ability to see the choices, through mental disorders and the like, the choices are still there and still holding value and influence. In essence the argument for heredity is the same as that of the argument for the environment. As I have said those are dreary outlooks. I would like to think that the great people of this earth do not owe their great personalities to great environments and that the rags to riches stories are more than just myths. "

peace out dudes and dudettes. Take naps. Read good books. Listen to good music. Pray to a good God. Dream good dreams.

Woot

2006-01-11T21:52:00.000-08:00

Hurrah! I haven't posted in a bit but it has been because I have been adding a few touches to this thing which are hopefully for the better. With the help of a few people and long tedious fiddling with the template code I edited this thing. I might be making a few changes periodically but I got most of the big stuff out of the way. Let me know if you like/dislike anything that I have done or maybe something you want me to add or change.

So recently haven't been up to much. School and frisbee and stuff like that. I'm taking a short break from frisbee, probably about two weeks, to let my back recover. Today I went to eat at cheddars with a whole bunch of peeps, me,jordan, jaron, all the junior girls. Afterwards went to Sweet Eugines and chilled for a bit, saw Daniel Villareal who I haven't seen in a long time;hopefully I will see more of Daniel before he heads back to Austin on Sunday. School is boring but it is good to be around alot of friends that I didn't see much of over the break, guys and girls alike. Peace out.

Song of the day: Over the Rainbow-Louis Armstrong

Raise Your Glass

2006-01-04T13:42:00.000-08:00

Wednesday January 4, 2006, today. So the past few weeks have consisted of reading books, playing frisbee, playing poker, and just hanging out with friends. All in all quite possibly the best Christmas break I have ever had, but you might have already known that from my previous posts in the break. Recently I finished "Gilead", a book I borrowed from Josh Lake. It was a great read, very moving and very nice. I also agreed with Josh that it was a good break from alot of the non-fiction I had been reading. Earlier this week on Monday I played ultimate and then poker with alot of guys. Both were fun, especially poker because I won some money haha. Anyway, been hanging out with friends playing video games and watching movies and all that good stuff. School starts tommorow which is kinda sad but it is an encouraging thought that this is the last semester. So, with school coming up and friends all around I would like to make an observation from "Gilead" that I thought was interesting.(As you can probably tell from my posts I like to quote things from books). Gilead is full of interesting things and this is but another example. It is also an example of just enjoyable reading and good writing in and of itself. Let me find the page. Finally, about four or five lengthy songs have passed on the playlist and I found the page. The setting is that a character in the novel is pondering about certain things after having a conversation with another character in the novel.

He starts out by reciting to himself, " 'For who among men knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of the man, which is in him?' " He continues thinking to himself " In every important way we are such secrets from each other, and I do believe that there is a seperate language in each of us, also a seperate aesthetics and a seperate jurisprudence. Every single one of us is a little civilization built on the ruins of any number of preceding civilizations, but with our own variant notions of what is beautiful and what is acceptable - which, I hasten to add, we generally do not satisfy and by which we struggle to live. We take fortuitous resemblances among us to be actual likeness, because those around us have also fallen heir to the same customs, trade in the same coin, acknowledge , more or less, the same notions of decency and sanity. But all that really just allows us to coexist with the inviolable, untraversable, and utterly vast spaces between us. "

When I first read that the thought that popped into my head was that "That is what friends are for. " Which sounds cheezy and corny because of the old line " Hey what are friends for?". But, quite honestly, friends and relationships are there to close those " untraversable, and utterly vast spaces between us." Though these spaces between us may never be completely gone in this life, our friends and all of our relationships are attempts to close these spaces with certain people because their is comfort in that. So I bid you good luck in closing the spaces, whether it be with friends,girlfriends, or boyfriends. School starts tommorrow.

Raise your glasses in a toast, to closing the spaces and passing the classes.

CHRISTMAS COMES BUT ONCE A YEAR

2005-12-25T14:35:00.000-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS! I had some stuff on my mind that provoked me to make a post on my blog. I also reasoned that this wouldn't be much of a blog if I didn't make a Christmas post...cuz thats like what people do...is say HEY IT'S CHRISTMAS!!! So where shall we begin, Christmas or other stuff? I think we should start with Christmas.

Today is December 25, 2005, the day that for a reason I can't precisley remember we celebrate the birth of Christ. Whether the date is correct or not is irrelevant, it is the fact that we are celebrating something very important.Although it is interesting that Christmas turned into the biggest holiday of the year rather than Easter[...]. Anyway, point is there is more to Christmas than the presents, you hear this every year so I'll try to avoid jibber jabbering at you. Both of my grandmothers came to town for Christmas and we woke up bright and early to find that Santa was very good to us this year. I didn't tell my family but I think it has something to do with that bargain I made with him last year concerning the cookiees and milk. At the top of the charts are my brother, myself, and my sister who received respectivley a laptop, an ipod, and a digital camera. I am thoroughly enjoying my new iPOD and already got all of my music onto it and will be downloading Lost episodes onto it momentarily. I also got a commentary on C.S. Lewis' writing, something I appreciate very much especially considering that I have been reading and plan on reading alot of C.S. Lewis recently. It is called "Beyond the Shadowland, Heaven and Hell." Around one p.m. we ate lunch and since then I have just been laying around reading, listening to music and working on the book(s) me and my brother are writing.

And on to the things that actually compelled me to post and give what I feel some substance to this post. First and foremost there is the ever constant and most bothersome question of my destiny concerning relations with the opposite sex. I could rant but I already have, you can go back and read my previous post titled "Frusturation" to get in on that action. Secondly is another matter which has already been addressed in a post and that is my current mood, it seems like I may be a fickle person and it may seem superficial to post about my mood but I assure you the last thing I want is to be this person that says "aww man this sux" or "hurrah great day guys!!". If I ever appear to be leaning towards a superficial joy which does not compare to that of my previous post or am being really negative or something let me know. In all honesty I can say my mood is not as good as it was a few days ago. I feel spited that right as I began to become a much more active person (I started jogging and playing alot more Ultimate Frisbee) my back decided to reawaken old injuries. I am trying to keep up the good spirit and hopefully I can start using the bike machine at the gym since that is less impact on my joints than running. So there is my "mood" for the moment, I would like to think of it as an update on my state of mind. I am happy but trying to overcome some pain. And as to the other things which provoked me to post I have mentioned them in this post. And those are C.S. Lewis writings and the book me and my brother are writing. Right now I am reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, Lewis has some great things to say and has a very good way of saying them. If you haven't read any of his works I HIGHLY encourage you to go read some of them. I would suggest Chronicles of Narnia those being his most popular but ironically I haven't read those yet, they are on the long list of "books to read". The book me and my brother are writing is a fantasy novel/series. We plan on incorporating some Christian symbolism but were not really sure how everything is going to unwind at the moment. Anyway, I would like to quote a portion of Mere Christianity that really hit home. The context is that Lewis is talking about chastity, sexual morality and the like, which is a hot topic especially in today's culture.

"We may, indeed, be sure that perfect chastity - like perfect charity - will not be attained by any merely human efforts. You must ask for God's help. Even when you have done so, it may seem to you for a long time that no help, or less help than you need, is being given. Never mind. After each failure, ask forgiveness, pick yourself up, and try again. Very often what God first helps us towards is not the virtue itself but just this power of always trying again. For however important chastity(or courage, or truthfulness, or any other virtue) may be, this process trains us in habits of the soul which are more important still. It cures our illusions about ourselves and teaches us to depend on God. We learn, on the one hand, that we cannot trust ourselves even in our best moments, and, on the other, that we need not despair even in our worst, for our failures are forgiven. The only fatal thing is to sit down content with anything less than perfection." - C.S. Lewis from Mere Christianity

I would also like to post the first segment of me and my brother's work which will probably be our proglogue or something. The genre, as you will catch on is fantasy. Here is the link, thanks to Wilfried for the webspace so I didn't have to type it all out.(Ignore the color set and bracket thing at the beginning, and I needed the webspace because for some reason my blog won't let me copy/paste.)

Peace out dudes, happy holidays.

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the prescence of fate is strength undefeatable." - Hellen Keller

I Wonder If There Is A Cloud 10?

2005-12-20T20:39:00.000-08:00

Hello, this is the first post of the break and naturally this post will be about just that. As the title implies I feel like I'm on cloud nine right now, everything is going great. So far my Christmas break has consisted of A) Jogging,amazing I know! B) Playing Ultimate Frisbee C) Hanging out with friends D) Reading. All in all I can say without a doubt that I am in the best mood I have been in years. Between the break, my friends and family, and the beautiful weather I am most definitley on cloud nine. That is all for now, hope you enjoyed a shorter post.

"Enjoy life. This is not a dress rehearsal."

"Joy is the feeling of grinning inside." -Melba Colgrove

"For happiness one needs security, but joy can spring like a flower even from the cliffs of despair." - Anne Morrow Lindbergh

There is a special someone....she just doesn't know it yet

EDIT: I would like to mention that the reason I use quotes at the end of my posts is to more clearly express how I feel when I make a certain post. I think sometimes I might ramble and after reading it all some quotes from people who can more clearly sum up how I feel is a good way to put things in order.

Frusturation

2005-12-13T14:21:00.000-08:00

In today's post I will address a touchy subject which I have yet to approach in my writings on this blog. This has been primarily because organizing thought about this subject into writing is no easy task and also because I have not felt comfortable trusting you my reader, whoever you may be, with the details of my feelings concerning the opposite sex a.k.a my love life or lack of.
The other night after NOTO I was hanging out at IHOP along with others who had decided to head over there after the fun.(NOTO was great and will probably show up in a later post.) Anyways, Katie Colson who was with us made a comment something along the lines of, " I hate it when I'm hanging out with a bunch of guys and the guys are all like 'I hate girls' ". Somewhere in the conversation I pointed out that it is more like extreme frusturation rather than hate. Several days later I find myself pondering what I had said and how it mingles in with what I have come to think about over the day. The fact is that the extreme frusturation is directed at myself and not really at girls at all. There are several problems that I find myself having to face when confronted with the opposite sex which build the frusturation of which I spoke. The first and foremost of problems is not really the heart of the problem but instead leads to the problem which I will address. This may sound humorous, odd, or even creepy to some of you but this problem is the abundance of options. Ideally what do I look for in a relationship? Well there are many things but is there only one person who fits the standards I have set? There is not. Indeed there are many. Does this mean I have have low standards? I would like to think not, and have indeed been told that I am a picky person in regards to this issue. This leads to the question, who do I decide to have this meaningful sought relationship with? This probably sounds horrible, picking a person sounds rather demeaning, but bare(sp?) with me. What does a man do when confronted with the fact that there are multiple beautiful, intelligent(as well as deep), and fun females with whom he is attracted to? Where is the line between attraction and as I heard today from someone "a crush"? Where is the line between general affection and attraction and how does one seperate in one's mind physical attraction from attraction based on affection. This is easy to do while I sit and type, obviously physical attraction would be something along the lines of fooling myself into thinking I like a girl but really I just think she is hot, where as attraction based on affection would not have its roots in the girl's body. However, when in conversation with a member of the opposite sex it is quite difficult to distinguish quite why one is attracted to the girl whom one is speaking to. Back to the original question. What does one do when confronted with this fact? That there are multiple people with whom he(I in this case) could see himself in a relationship with. The answer I think lies in getting to know one of these individuals, as I grow to know someone I will grow to like them more(this is the ideal situation, quite possibly I could grow to dislike them more which would lead to breakups and highschool drama) the problem then is how to get from point A-boy knows(and is attracted to) girl, girl knows boy ....to point B- boy is attracted and seeking to learn more about girl who has realized that boy is attracted. The reason this is a problem is because getting from point A to point B involves more than just saying " I really like you and think we should go out", given who I have made myself to be it probably wouldn't work out well if I just told a girl I know that I liked her. There has to be a time leading to this because there is something that just isn't right about just unloading your feelings on a girl and hoping for the best. This may work for some guys(I find it hard to believe);however, this is not the movies or a fairy tale in which I can confess my feelings for someone of the opposite sex and expect them to be all mushy and say "I really like you too!". Like I said, there has to be a time leading to this, they used to call this courting a girl but now I guess people call it "just talking " or something similar to that. So there it is in one gigantic nutshell. I don't know how to "court" a girl. I don't know how to(Insert spew of profanities in all capital letters) get from the stage where we know each other and there is nothing there except what is going on in my head(point A) to the stage where we are interested in engaging in a relationship with each other(point B). Blast.
That wraps up one of the problems I face when confronting the opposite sex. The other probelm involves what happens when I decide that I want to get from point A to point B as I explained previously. This is fear, I haven't taken the time to determine whether it is a rational or irrational fear but it is there. It is always there but given the opportunity to shorten the distance to point B fear washes over me like a subtle scent. Do I call out her name? Does she perceive that I am sprinting towards point B? Does she know there is a point B? Does she not want there to be a point B? It can all be summed up by the statement that: The circumstances belittle the power of my emotions and my emotions deny the opportunities that the circumstances present to me. Basically, I often find myself in postions where I can not express my emotions because of the circumstances, thus the power of my emotions seems belittled by the circumstances. On the other hand, I often find myself in a position where I could quite easily express my feelings in some small way such as a conversation, a smile or a wave. It is in these situations that my emotion of fear pulls me away from making headway towards point B. Thus it belittles the opportunities the circumstances present to me. I don't wave, I don't say hello, and said girl continues never suspecting that I am attracted. When it comes down to it thinking about this turns my whole thought process wretched.
Furthermore, the whole process of getting from point A to point B is complicated dramatically by billions of things which deserve their own topics and would take ages for me to get down on paper. Hopefully I covered the bulk of it, at least for myself, as far as other guys are concerned I'm not willing to break down different personalities and stuff. Peace.

"Love is a smoke made with the fumes of sighs. Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes. Being vexed, a sea nourished with lovers' tears. What is it else? A madness most discreet, a choking gall and a preserving sweet. "
~William Shakespeare

"The source of much pain is in the folly of the mind, it often meddles in the business of the heart."

Coulrophobia

2005-12-04T22:09:00.000-08:00

Well well, I'm back posting on Sunday night again before a treacherous week of school, I should make this a habit(Sunday postings) but I don't think I will, you guys probably get sick of me saying I'm sick of school in my blog on Sunday nights. Anyways, almost out for the semester so it actually isn't that bad, well it would be if I was still trying but trying is difficult for me at this point. I had fun at the consol game on Saturday but sadly we didn't pull out a victory, this being the first game I attended I think I might be bad luck. The trip up and back was pretty cool, rode up there with Zack, Joe, Katie, and Lacy. All in all it was pretty sweet and I learned lots of cool interesting tidbits. Some crazy tidbits actually. For starters, I learned that Zack spells his name with a "K" and not a "H", so it is "Zack" not "Zach" even though his real name is technically Zachary. I learned the cure for brainfreezes, you know those awful ice cold headaches you get after eating cold ice cream or something. Lacy enlightened me to the cure and I was pretty stoked;however, information like that isn't something I'm just gonna hand out and I intend to keep the miraculous cure secret, at least for now. Grats to Samanski on the 61 yard field goal which was the high point of the game, our defense was playing very well I thought but I guess they just wore us out and started breaking plays. Grats to everyone on the team for a season and game well played, good job guys.
Today I listened to Zack at church today and ate lunch with my mom and dad. Came back and studied chemistry and took a nap during the process.(That's what happens when you try to study on a full stomach on a comfortable couch). We played ultimate frisbee around 7 and played three games the third ending at 9 something, I can't remember exactly when. I believe we plan on playing alot in the future and maybe getting in some open tournaments or something just for kicks. The games were really fun, I ran the fastest I think I ever have and it was pretty cool, was also pretty cold. I was in shorts and a t-shirt and my classic bare feet. There is now a fire in the fireplace. After ultimate me and Justin and Michael went to go see "Just Friends" which is definitley a funny movie, if your looking for something to see go ahead and check it out. Came back home and studied chemistry a bit more, had to read the chapters today because I had no idea what our test tomorrow is over, and then decided to update this before I fell into the oblivion of sleepiness. So, back to what started the day, what Zack talked about at church today. Zack gave his opinion on the parable of the sower, an opinion which I had heard before but is still interesting and is probably quite a correct interpretation of the passage, not being God I wouldn't know but I like it. Zack also talked about how this applied to our lives and something that struck home as he spoke was the fact that highschool students are so extremely busy these days and don't take enough time for themselves. This probably seems ironic to some of you and probably has others of you chuckling to yourself and yet others of you wondering why I would say this. The fact is I take a good bit of time for myself, I'm generally considered lazy and don't have a string of activities on my resume. I don't have a job. But, I'm graduating early, that shows some real effort doesn't it? Sadly all it shows is that my desperation to get out of highschool is greater than my laziness, at least something is. But really, I got thinking about it when Zack talked about that and the more I think about it the more I realized how much of my life I'm not taking advantage of, the people I'm not enjoying(in a loving relationship way not sexually, gosh get your head out of the gutter), the time I'm not using, the God I don't take time for[...]. Anyways, just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about that and hey, maybe you should think about it too. I can't imagine what it feels like for you guys that are actually busy, it must suck.

"There is a different beauty in simplicity, in a single line placed just so, a single flower among the rocks.The harshness of the stone makes the flower more precious."

" The rose petal floats on water. The kingfisher flashes above the pond. Life and beauty swirl in the midst of death."

Furthermore, the most important tidbit that I learned on the trip back from the football game on Saturday. There are people out there that fear my name. There is like a whole group or clan or cult or whatever you want to call them. Many of them have rallied and organized against me, but thankfully people like this don't run our nation and our wonderful government has kept them in check. They even have a name. They are known as Coulrophobes. Those who are Coulrophobic. HAHAHA.

Coulrophobic- the unnatural and irrational fear of clowns
Anti-Clown Site

GOOD NIGHT DUDES.

All too short.

2005-11-27T20:25:00.000-08:00

All too short...that is about how I would describe my Thanksgiving break...last year! Haha, really this Thanksgiving break was pretty good. There isn't much to say besides had some good food, saw my relatives, hung out with my bro and watched some movies and just chilled. So here we go into another week of school my friends, stay strong... it is almost at its end! As this semester ends please keep my mom in your prayers as she is going through some difficult times mentally and I just really hope she gets better. Peace out peoples.

" Listen to the Exhortation of
the Dawn!
Look to this Day!
For it is Life, the very Life
of Life.
In its brief course lie all the
Verities and Realities of
your Existence.
The Bliss of Growth,
The Glory of Actioin,
The Splendor of Beauty;
For Yesterday is but a
Dream,
And To-morrow is only a
Vision;
But To-day well lived makes
Every Yesterday a Dream of
Happiness,
And every Tommorow a
Vision of Hope.
Look well therefore to this
Day!
Such is the Salutation of
the Dawn! "
-Kalidasa

Wednesday...no school?

2005-11-23T17:26:00.000-08:00

This post is lengthy and has been devided into sections in case you don't want to read everything I have to say.
---------------------------------Today---------------------------------------------------------

Today is Wednesday. Nothing noteable...nothing noteable until you stop and think about why the sun has been up for so long before you decided to roll out of bed. Nothing noteable for the first few seconds of wakening until you remember that this Wednesday isn't like other Wednesdays...today there is no school, tomorrow my friends is Thanksgiving which depending on how things go is quite possibly the most enjoyable of holidays. In fact even though Christmas should be much more enjoyable especially considering the history of how the holiday came to be I find that the only reason most people,myself included, enjoy it more than Thanksgiving are A) longer break and B) presents. That being said waking up at noon today was amazing because when this happened today I didn't feel like I was wasting my weekend like I do if I sleep in on Saturday. After sleeping in late I ate lunch at Chili's with my family except my sister who was out getting her hair done. Came back and played some Day of Defeat on my computer and started reading two books that Paul Gustafson let me borrow. Currently the one I'm reading is called "The Universe Next Door". "The Universe Next Door" is about world views and the "universe" you create for yourself with your world views and the "universe" that your neighbor next door may create for himself with his world views. Overall it is a very interesting break down of several religous/world view perspectives from the standpoint of a Christian author who from what I have read of the book tries hard not to be bias. After laying around the house reading today I'm gonna go hang out with Zach and Easton and maybe Neely in a little bit after Zach gets done watching the new episode of Lost.

------------------------------Lost--------------------------------------------------------------
Speaking of Lost, the second season is slightly dissapointing me due to a shaky plot. The character dialogue seems to have more deep meaning to it but the actual plot of the series seems to be taking a turn for the worst. It seems like it isn't heading anywhere and is much too broad for possibilities. Like I said to my brother and to Josh the problem seems to be like this: when your reading a book it is entertaining to not know what is going to happen but to have it hinted at so that you the reader can be like "O, that would be cool". Foreshadowing and such but at the same time surprising and creative. The first season of Lost had me captivated but right now what I have seen of the second season(four episodes) has left me thinking "I have no idea what is going to happen..." contrary to popular belief this isn't always a good thing. The second season of Lost has taken this to the extreme, there is no foreshadowing and everything that pops up is no longer surprising because I have come to expect of each episode of Lost that random, totally absurd crazy things that do not build towards a suspensful plot at all are going to happen. However, I still enjoy the conversations the characters have as they have alot more meaning besides what they are actually saying, an example that comes to mind is a scene from the last episode I saw. The scene is such: There is an alarm that goes off periodically and starts a timer of 180 minutes. There is a crazy guy on the island who has a computer and has been living underneath the island for several years and believes he has to enter a certain code every time the alarm goes off before the timer gets to 0, he believes by doing this he is saving the world or at least keeping something horrible from happening. Jack and John come upon him and by a long series of events his computer ends up being broken and the guy freaks out and runs out into the island. The guy used to be like an olympic track runner and he is running for his life. Jack takes off after him and finds him in the forest and points a gun at him and makes him stop.

Jack: Stop! Stop running...you don't even know what you are running from! NOTHING is going to happen when that counter hits 0.

Desmond(The crazy guy): In fifteen minutes you are either going to be very right or very wrong.

They continue to converse but I can't remember the exact dialogue. Jack returns to the computer room where one of the other characters has fixed the computer and John and Jack proceed to have an argument whether or not they should put in the code. Keep in mind that Jack has struggled the whole time with believing that anything supernatural has been occuring on the island where as John is convinced something supernatural is occuring. Jack is a man of science and John is a man of faith.

Jack: I'm not doing it.

John: I'm not doing this alone Jack, this is a two man assignment.

Jack: If you want to do it that's fine John I'm not doing it.

John: Jack...you need to do this. Why do you find it so hard to believe?

Jack: Why do you find it so easy?

John: It has NEVER BEEN EASY!

*staring and such and Jack reluctantly enters the code into the computer.*

Obviously there are some things in my life that I related these scenes to and probably things that other people thought of as well. And so yes, I will continue to watch Lost and they will most likely succeed in drawing it out into googles of seasons and making loads of cash. Sigh.

--Yesterday, The Day Before Wednesday Without School--
Yesterday was a good day, throughout the day Tuesday was called Friday and at the end of the day I think I aced my Biology II test that I thought was gonna be crazy hard. I can only hope. Anyway I was planning on watching a movie with some of the junior girls and guys but it ended up being only one other junior guy and 6 junior girls. Can't complain. So we didn't watch a movie but the night was still fun. We went to wolfcreek park and rolled down the hill a bunch getting dizzy in the process and having races back up the hill.(It is extremely difficult to run in a straight line uphill after rolling down a hill). Went home around 10:30 and played Day of Defeat with Easton. The night ended with me and Justin(my brother) and Lisa(my sister) and Easton eating at IHOP around 1 in the morning. Good times.

-Wednesday....Last Wednesday....The Last Wednesday....(Junior Guys)-
So today is Wednesday and so I needed to post something that I wanted to post but never got in on my previous posts. This is concerning youth group and last Wednesday. Last Wednesday I got screwed over by Pei Wei and went to youth group. This is the part I didn't get to post. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I was really worried that our smallgroup (the junior guys) was falling apart recently. Things were looking to be headed in a downward direction and alot of us don't keep in touch as much as we used to. People have left and people have gotten angry with each other and people have felt left out. What I would really like to say is I'm glad we got over that, or are getting over it. Last Wednesday was awesome and was probably the best Wednesday night I have been to in the past three years. There was alot of vulnerability by students and leaders alike and I feel like we bonded alot. Matt Young came and it was really great to see him, he has been busy with alot of stuff and we don't get to see him as much as we used to. All in all there was alot of deep conversation and I'm extremely glad that we basically just let ourselves talk. Last Wednesday was the second to last youthgroup of the semester, the next one being on the week after Thanksgiving, it's been a rough semester but I think it will end well. Junior guys, I salute you. Junior guys, I hug you.

Peace out. Enjoy your sleep tonight and your lunch tomorrow.

"God does not love us because we are so valuable; we are valuable because God loves us."
-Helmut Thielicke

6.9.13.17.22.2.

2005-11-19T22:32:00.000-08:00

So the past week was pretty cool overall. My tolerance for school has greatly diminished but have no fear I will be stuffing myself with turkey in only a few days! Anyways, you might be wondering why I named this post what I did. You wanna know why? Cuz the people that own Pei Wei lost my respect this wednesday. They lost my respect because of those numbers! You know what those are? They are the lucky numbers on my fortune cookie...wait...they are the lucky numberS from my fortune cookieS!! That's right, I decided to snatch an extra fortune cookiee and I got the same bloody fortune! "Today is a good day for being with a companion." Im gonna start a collection. Also I was thinking about numbers as I finished season 1 of Lost today. Lost is very good on many different levels, I can't stop watching it. So, after the catastrophe at Pei Wei I finished the week up and cruised in to today. This morning I woke up around eight and went and filmed some scenes for some NOTO stuff that turned out pretty cool. I really think it's gonna turn out great. Tonight I was gonna go to the bonfire but JT and Anthony called me to fill in for someone at a Halo2 tournament so I ended up going to that. We lost but we don't really play halo2 anymore so getting 2nd wasn't really a let down, although winning some dinner money would have been nice. Afterwards we went to dinner and caught up with JT and Anthony and Bob for a while. Hadn't talked to JT or Anthony in ages and was pretty cool. Now I'm about to play some Day of Defeat or go to sleep I haven't decided.Peace dudes.

Anyways think about this...have you ever had dinner with someone and had the same fortune...chances are probably not...yet if I hadn't grabbed two...Aaron would have had that one......weird.

"People who claim that little things don't bother them have never slept in a room with a single mosquito." - Fortune Cookie

Video Games Online: Particularly MMOs

2005-11-10T20:58:00.000-08:00

For certain people I make this post.Note: For more serious actual post read previous post.
Reasons to play online games:

Listening to chinese music with people you have never met before.

Talking to people who don't get mad when you stream Georgia by Ray Charles over the voice chat program.

Ninja Looting.

Killing Dragons.

Laughing at Noobs.

Realizing how much of your time you waste playing the game and not caring.

An addicting excuse and therefore self-justifying way to ignore your homework.

Listening to two people have a conversation in chinese over a voice chat program.

Being on a first name basis with someone you have never met before.

Selling your account for real life money and going up to the previous to laugh at the noobs because you are going to buy an Ipod.

Lastly...its really fun and addicting.

GG

Stuff happens in Kansas??

2005-11-09T21:30:00.000-08:00

So past week or so been stumbling through life(which sadly consists of mainly school) as usual. Still working on getting my World of Warcraft account sold. I finished Knife of Dreams by Robert Jordan and now I am finishing up That Hideous Strength by C.S. Lewis. Speaking of which I was reading it during advocate today and read something which I found very amusing. Let me set the scene. There is a big storyline but I won't bother filling you in all you need to know is the general situation. So there are some women and some men living in this manor and they rotate who does the work on which days, so on some days the women do all the work and the next day the men will do all the work. Well, on this occasion a woman who is new to the scene questions the women on this and they tell her basically that it is because men and women don't get along while working. A man who is in the kitchen at the time hears the conversation and proceeds to give his opinion. This is how the scene comes out:
"But why should they quarrel?" asked Jane(the new girl). "Different methods, my dear. Men can't help in a job, you know. They can be induced to do it: not to help while you're doing it. At least, it makes them grumpy." "The cardinal difficulty," said MacPhee(the man), "in collaboration between the sexes is that women speak a language without nouns. If two men are doing a bit of work, one will say to the other, ' Put this bowl inside the bigger bowl which you'll find on the top shelf of the green cupboard.' The female for this is 'Put that in the other one in there.' And then if you ask them,'In where?' they say, 'in there, of course.' There is consequently a phatic hiatus."

Maybe it's just me but I found the bit about women not using nouns to be totally true and nearly burst out laughing when I read it, being in class though I had to keep it to a soft chuckle. There is also probably a bit of truth about men not wanting to help do the work but I haven't taken the time to look into that.

On a different track now. Just recently the Kansas board of education decided to teach Intelligent Design(creation theory) in their schools. This is a very huge step towards who knows what as Kansas is the first state to do this and although I could really care less if they teach it or not in schools and I don't mind the theory of evolution being taught it seems that in our schools evolution isn't a theory anymore and evolution is just accepted as fact. For this reason at least I am happy that creation is going to be taught in Kansas and maybe elsewhere in the future. That's how I feel concerning the matter because I'm not really sure how they are going to teach it or I would say I am very happy that they are teaching creation in schools but for the moment I will have to wait for further information. Here is an article talking about this move by the Kansas school board.
And now on to what actually provoked me to post about this move by the Kansas folks. Not mixing science with religion seems to have alot of people upset over this new ordeal in Kansas...and with all honesty it just got my goat. If you have a religion and firmly believe in it then it is going to invade every part of your life. The problem is that people that don't have a relationship with God can't understand that. I find it very difficult to not mix my religion with my science when studying the structure of plants and animals when I believe to the depth of my being that what my teacher tells me, that the way they are structured is due to evolutionary processes, is completely wrong. OBVIOUSLY I am in the wrong for allowing belief to interfere with objective study. According to my Biology II teacher I am. She stated, not directly at me, that "belief plays a very important role in an individual's life but does not belong in the realm of science." This just seems like she is trying to please the religious people in the classroom by not saying straight up that they are wrong. What she is really saying seems totally ignorant to me, BELIEF in something like God is not something you can put aside or use when you want. GOD IS IN OUR LIVES. Belief isn't a thought. Belief in God isn't "yeah I think there is a god who made us". So to wrap up this whole rant, evolution and creation are both theories viewed objectivley;however, creation being part of my belief is obviously going to influence my science because frankly, I could care less about "my science". If you can set aside your belief then it isn't really belief.

"If you could prove me wrong it wouldn't be belief and if I stopped believing once I realized I couldn't prove I was right it wouldn't be faith."

Well, next post I should have some info on the evolution of viruses, I thought it was interesting that viruses are said to have evolved but aren't classified as alive so I will be doing some reading up on that and posting what I find.

and now I'm sleepy so Gnight.

Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day. ~ Friedrick Nietzsche

Until...

2005-11-03T21:31:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to post an update until a few things conclude into something big enough to post. Basically I'm taking a bold step and I'll fill you in more next time I post. I'm selling my World of Warcraft account. Several reasons go into this including the fact that the game is wasting loads of my time and not to mention for some reason people will actually pay good money for it. So until next time when I have some more info to let you in on. Peace.

Faith

2005-10-26T20:51:00.000-07:00

So...since last post....nothing really, school really gets my goat(that phrase is just too funny). On a minor note, in my last post the word endocytosis is the wrong word but hopefully you got the picture. On a more serious note me and Daniel Parulian and Katie Stimpson had a really interesting conversation today after bible study about pre-destination, homosexuality, faith, arguing for Christianity, morality and a whole bunch of other complications which became involved. At many points in the conversation we came upon the question how would you explain any of these things which you believe to someone who places no credibility in the Bible. The problem is we don't know everything and can't answer all of the questions people will throw at us because we believe these things which we can't understand by faith and it wouldn't be much of an answer to say "you just have to have faith" which is really what it comes down to. That doesn't do anything for someone who doesn't see a reason to have faith in God's word. Argument only leads to dissapointment as the chances of you being able to convince someone that your view is right to someone by explaining something you don't understand are very slim(if you actually think you understand the whole Bible you are crazy or extremely ignorant). So it probably isn't the best idea to provoke the "intellectual religious debates" with non-believers because it probably won't get you anywhere. So in conclusion, the best way to witness is through your love and your actions, not your argument.

"Preach always, when necessary use words."-St. Francis of Assisi

There is something from Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller that goes along with this as well.

"Sooner or later you just figure out there are some guys who don't believe in God and they can prove he doesn't exist, and some other guys who do believe in God and can they can prove he does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago and now it's about who is smarter, and honestly I don't care."

On a side note some interesting things to think about that I found while flipping through Blue Like Jazz to find the above.

Laura talking about her decision to become a Christian- "I can't get there. I can't just say it without meaning it.'She was getting very frusturated.'I can't do it. It would be like, say, trying to fall in love with somebody, or trying to convince yourself that your favorite food is pancakes. You don't decide those things, they just happen to you. If God is real, He needs to happen to me."

Don's response- " That is true. But don't panic. It's okay. God brought you this far, Laura; He will bring you the rest of the way. It may take time."

another good point- "There are plenty of things that are true that don't make sense. I think one of the problems Laura was having was that she wanted God to make sense. He doesn't. He will make no more sense to me than I will make sense to an ant."

Peace out dudes and dudettes, I'm out for one of those 7 hour naps.

Catch up

2005-10-24T14:15:00.000-07:00

Well i went a few days without posting(this is mainly because I forgot my username/password haha) and its time to catch you up on a few things.
Overall the past few weeks have been extremely busy especially for me because as many of you know I don't do much and like to keep things pretty laid back.College applications, homework, projects, drivers ed, and personal interests(Church,books, World of Warcraft, Lost)have kept my schedule pretty packed even though I end up putting off most of the stuff I need to be doing. The most interesting things recently have been the two books I'm reading and a stray thought in biology class.
Right now I'm reading "That Hideous Strength" by C.S. Lewis and "Knife of Dreams" by Robert Jordan. "That Hideous Strength" is a science fiction book with a load of Christian symbolism and deepness, it also has a good plot as well. It is the sequel to Perelandra which is also a good one, I probably like Perelandra more. "Knife of Dreams" is the eleventh book in Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series and is one of the better ones yet. The plot in the Wheel of Time series is extraordinarily huge and the character development is very good, my favorite fantasy series up there with Lord of the Rings.I would try to explain the series but I don't like typing until my fingers fall off.
So to wrap it up friday last week I made an interesting observation in my biology class that has to do with the theory of evolution. If you believe in evolution that's fine with me;however, I do not. So anyway, we are studying cellular respiration and on friday we were going over the electron transport chain in the mitochondria where the mitochondria produces ATP for the cell to use as energy. According to my biology teacher the structure of the mitochondria is often used as a large support for evolution, this is because it has its own DNA and is similar in structure to a bacteria.It is believed that the mitochondria was absorbed into the cell via endocytosis(I think that's the word, anyway it got absorbed into the cell and was in future cells). However ATP synthase,one of the enzymes in the mitochondria which is vital for the function of the electron transport chain, has portions of its DNA stored in the nucleus as well as in the mitochondria.What does this mean? It means that ATP synthase can't exist without the nucleus which means the mitochondria's way to make energy(the electron transport chain) won't function. So basically the mitochondria couldn't have existed without the cell and wasn't absorbed into the cell by endocytosis. There are probably some things that could counter what I'm saying but from what I understand that is the logical connection I made. Feel free to point out any flaws in my logic or point out something I didn't know. So peace out dudes and dudettes, I'm going to take a nap.

"Imitation is the highest form of compliment"

That Hideous Strength-C.S. Lewis

Knife of Dreams-Robert Jordan

Hello

2005-10-19T21:42:00.000-07:00

Hello and welcome to my blog. My name is Chris(alot of people call me Clown) and all my ramblings and stray thoughts and pointless documentations of the boring days ahead will be posted here. I enjoy reading, playing video games, rambling, and talking to people about real and relevant things in life. If there is one thing that annoys me it is non-passionate, superficial, closed minded people. Like what you like, think what you want to think and think alot. So here it begins, don't expect much from this blog and maybe I'll surprise you.